September 6, 2010

It's been a day...

You know those days where at the end of the day you KNOW you have SOOOO much to do but the day has just been sooo bad that you don't want to do a damn thing? Today is one of them for me. I have a crap ton of homework to do but I have NO desire to do anything but sit back in my chair, watch TV, and finish knitting my dishcloth. Then I'm going to hide it and give it to Anna for Christmas.

Why has today been so bad you ask? Short and simple. "WHINE, WHINE, WHINE! MOMMY!! WHINE! MOMMY MOMMY  MOMMY! WHINE!!" Yeah, that's all I have heard all day. I don't know why they were both so whiney today, but Oh. My. Goodness. It has just been ridiculous. We spent the last day and a half at my sister's apartment in Annapolis. The kids played outside yesterday while my sister and I cleaned up and organized in her apartment. Yesterday was an okay day. This morning, everyone woke up in rare form. No one wants to listen, all we can do is whine... And then we have the nightly situation where someone (named Anna) didn't eat enough dinner so now it is (9:45 and she is STILL telling me she's hungry an hour and a half after they were put in bed. She ate everything we put on her plate for dinner, was offered more, said she didn't want anymore, was given dessert, and now she's still hungry. Sorry, but if you refused more dinner when it was offered, then I don't know if you are genuinely hungry or if you just don't want to be in bed. I'm going to assume you just don't want to be in bed because you can't talk, play or do anything else fun and you can be a VERY hyper child at times. Please, if anyone has any suggestions that DON'T involve giving in to her telling me she's hungry at the VERY last second, please, PLEASE, PLEASE! let me know! I absolutely refuse to give in because sometimes my kids don't seem to understand that mommy is in charge and mommy makes the rules. So the only way I feel like I can make sure they understand that is by not giving in. It's bad enough that my 5 year old knows how to play me against my parents. She'll ask me something and I'll tell her no, then she'll go to one of my parents and get her way. NO WONDER THEY DON'T ********* LISTEN TO ME! Sometimes I tell myself that I can't wait to get my own place again, but at the same time, I am SOOO afraid to be on my own. I'm afraid to walk into a dark house at night, I'm afraid to walk into an empty house in general because I never know if someone broke into my house through a back door or window and is hiding somewhere in the house or something... I just have so much to protect and so much to be afraid of at the same time.

Anyway, I just needed to vent about my day. It's not going to end until Anna falls asleep. I still feel like I have more to vent about but I just don't know what else to say! I'm just aggravated and I WISH Anna would just go to sleep and learn her lesson... But she does this every single night! I might call her doctor and see what she suggests. But her doctor is also the one that suggested "Just feed them chicken nuggets and pizza if that's all they want to eat!"... NO NO NO! Omgosh. I am not going to be one of those mom's that makes two different meals every night because I have a picky eater. My kid are served the same meal that everyone else is. They both like chicken, pork, and beef. They both like peas, carrots and corn. Caleb doesn't like broccoli but Anna does. Neither of them like mashed potatoes so I will compensate with more meat, more veggies, or a piece of bread. Neither of them are really picky anymore. Our problem with Anna seems to be that she will eat everything on her plate, we will offer her more, and she won't eat it. Then at bed time she starts saying she is hungry. Even when we go through our routine of dinner, bath/shower, book, bed... She doesn't tell me until I have turned the lights off, covered her up and told her good night. That's when it starts!

Anyway, I might be done now. Holy jeez!

Let's try this again :)

So I have decided that I REALLY need to try this again so that I have some "venting" space or just somewhere to tell everyone how life is going for Anna, Caleb, and I. So here we go :)

Life right now is going okay. We are still living at my parents' house. Been back there for almost a year. It's not the best situation in the world, but it works for now. I am single, as I have been for the majority of the last 6 years. I think I have decided that I am happy being single with Anna & Caleb. I don't need anything else and I really don't even have time for anyone else right now. I have my good friends, I have my family, I have my kids, I have me. I'm happy. I am going to school full time so I can do better and be a more financially stable family for myself, Anna & Caleb. They deserve better than what they have right now and that is all I want. I want them to have the best I can give them! I am going to school to be a Social Worker and I am also getting an Associate's degree in Photography. I will be going to the Bachelor's level with the Social Work degree. My long term goal with it is to be a CPS (Child Protective Services) employee. My Sociology teacher this past summer told me that I have his full support if there is ever anything I need. When we were doing our introductions on the first day of class, I mentioned that I am a mom, full time student, what I was going to school for and what I wanted to do. He said, "Not only do you have the HARDEST job in the world already, but you want to go and do the second hardest job as well?! More power to you and if you need anything, let me know!" While I realize that what I want to do is going to be very difficult sometimes, at the same time it will be rewarding. I will know in my heart that in one way or another I am doing what is best for the children I work with. No child deserves to be abused, neglected, or harmed in any other way. They deserve nothing but love from the ones that are supposed to love them unconditionally.

On to another topic... Medical issues with everyone! Yay!

Caleb is seeing a G.I. every couple months to track his growth. He is 3 1/2 now and still only weighs about 25 lbs. How many of you have an 18 month old that weighs 25 lbs or more? How about a 12 month old that weighs that much? Yup, Caleb is a tiny tiny kid. Your 12-18 month old is about average if they weigh around 25 lbs... My 3 1/2 year old is in the 3rd percentile on the growth charts. (His small size doesn't affect his heart though! He has the biggest heart I have ever seen in a 3 year old boy!) So, the G.I. has "diagnosed" him with Toddler's Diarrhea which is chronic diarrhea in a child under the age of 5. However, both of the G.I.'s that we have seen have not wanted to do any kind of testing because he is young and tender and all that other good stuff. Well, I've about had it. I'm a pretty educated woman and when you tell me a "diagnosis" I know better than to believe that a doctor is telling me everything I need to hear... So I go home and do my own research. Chronic diarrhea is caused by the intestines not digesting food properly. This could mean that Caleb's body isn't getting the nutrients he needs. Not getting the nutrients he needs could be causing him to not grow properly. WOW! Look at that. I'm "just a mom" and I can put 2 and 2 together. Why is a doctor comfortable with just telling me that it's chronic diarrhea and not wanting to do labs to make sure he has enough nutrients and all that other good stuff... Why???? So I have decided that when we go back to the G.I. (probably in the next couple weeks) I am going to demand a full CBC be done to make sure that his little body has all the nutrients it needs. I do give him vitamins (he gets half of a flintstone vitamin or something along those lines because of his weight) and they don't really seem to make that much of a difference. But, we still do them just so that I know I'm doing what I can. I always make him eat at least half of his veggies at meals and he is usually pretty good about eating his meat. No worries there. So, one of these days, maybe we'll get some answers. Until then... I'll keep everyone posted :)

Anna's update shouldn't be nearly as long... She started Kindergarten last Monday. She is loving it! Our neighbor on the other side of the court also has a little boy who started Kindergarten and who just happens to be Anna's "BFF". She is still slightly behind on speech. I tend to notice it more than other people which I believe is normal. We will be having her IEP meeting soon to get her started on her new IEP and to get the Special Education teachers working with her and all that good stuff. I am also going to request an evaluation for Occupational Therapy which will help her with hand eye coordination. Now that she is at an age where she should be able to write, it is becoming more evident that her hand/eye coordination isn't quite up to par either. If she doesn't show at least a 25% developmental delay in that area they won't be able to give her that therapy. I am pretty sure that she will continue to receive Speech Therapy though and I look forward to her getting back into that. I still need to get Anna back to a Developmental Pediatrician so that we can determine what we need to do next about trying to find out if her speech delay is neurological or developmental. If it is neurological then there is a chance she will never grow out of it. The Developmental Pediatrician that we were seeing is no longer accepting Medical Assistance. I will have to get Anna's records from her and take them to a new doctor. The old DP wanted to do an MRI of Anna's head to make sure her brain functions properly in all areas. We were holding off on it because of Anna's age. They would have to put her under anesthesia to make sure she stays still during the procedure. I am happy to say that neither of my children have ever had to be put under anesthesia for anything and I can guarantee that I would be a WRECK if they ever do have to be put under. So that is where we stand with little Miss Anna. She is 5 years old and weighs 37 lbs. She is little too, but we aren't as concerned about her because she is above the 10th percentile on the growth charts. Last time we went to the doctor she was in the 25th percentile for weight and 50th for height.

Now, my turn! Yes, we save mommy for last, the kiddos are more important! I am doing okay. I have had some G.I. issues of my own lately and will be having a procedure done in the next few weeks to see what's going on. There's not much else other than that. For the most part, I have my depression and anxiety under control. For anyone who remembers my car accident from back in July of 2008, I still have back pain pretty consistently. I have just learned to deal with it. I have been trying for 5 months to get in touch with my attorney... Haven't heard from him since the beginning of April. If it makes it to 6 months, I will be filing a grievance. This is the 2nd time I have had this problem with him. He promised me back in April that he would have a settlement for me by the end of April. Nope, didn't happen. Was I surprised? No.

Well, I guess that is about it for an update for everyone! Hopefully I can get back into a routine with this and post at least once or twice a week :)

Much love!

*It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live...*
~~J.K. Rowling