September 14, 2010


So I revamped the blog tonight :) I definitely like this. A lot. So, here's an actual blog post lol

One of my favorite shows to watch on TV is Teen Mom. It comes on MTV on Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. There are 4 "families" on the show. Farrah is a single mom to her daughter Sophia. She has had family problems, mostly with her mom, and is just now starting to try to repair the relationship with her mom. Props to her, but she needs to stop being so darn stubborn. However, at the same time I can completely understand putting walls up after how her parents have controlled her. She is having a hard time letting those walls down. She needs to continue with her therapy and her therapist needs to recognize that Farrah has put walls up and her therapist needs to help her break those walls down. Especially for the sake of her family.

Then there is Catelynn & Tyler. They gave their baby up for adoption because they wanted her to have a good happy life. They have grown up a lot and you get to see the issues they go through after giving up their baby. Not really a whole lot to say about them, but they are a pretty good couple of kids :)

Then there is Maci. She single parents Bentley and currently shares custody with her ex, Ryan. Ryan is a jerk. He lives with mom & dad and doesn't have a job. Maci has a job, goes to school, and I think lives in an apartment that mom & dad made for her. Maci wants to move 2 hours away to be with her boyfriend. She has known her boyfriend for years and so have her parents. He's not just some random guy or anything. So Ryan is trying to get more time with Bentley and Maci isn't trying to just give it to him so Ryan wants to take her to court. Ryan wasn't around for the first year of Bentley's life. I don't think it's a good idea for Maci to move now that Ryan has told her that he is taking her to court. Ryan will be able to hold that against her. At the same time, Maci has a LOT to hold against Ryan in court. I'm not sure which way it is going to go in the end, but it is definitely a bad idea for Maci to move right now.

Then (I saved the "best" for last) there is Amber & Gary. They break up in EVERY episode and it is always something stupid. I despise Amber as a mother. She kicked Gary out after he tried to get Amber to stop cussing in front of their daughter, Leah. Gary got up, started getting all of his stuff... TV, lamps, sheets, etc. Amber told him he was "being a petty f***ing b****" right in front of Leah. Gary should have taken Leah with him. Gary is a much better parent than Amber is and I pray to God that Gary takes Amber to court and takes Leah away from her. Amber is a (insert your choice of words here) and does NOT deserve to have that child.

Anywho, I posted all of that because tonight's episode just made me want to scream and obviously I can't because it's 11 p.m. and my kids are sleeping finally (I think). So... Now for life :)

Life is good. Lots of school work still, but I'll have a small break in a few weeks. My African American Lit class ends on 9/29 and then I don't have a class to "replace" it until 10/11. I am very much looking forward to that break.

Anna is doing pretty good at school. We have her IEP meeting on 9/23. I am definitely looking forward to it. I talked to the coordinator at the school yesterday and told her what I planned on asking for at the meeting. I informed her that I want Anna tested for Occupational Therapy and she definitely needs to be tested for speech. I also mentioned that I know Anna is way behind academically and I explained to her why. Anna and I butt heads a lot. She doesn't like to "work" with me. Anyone else, it's fine. From what I hear, that is normal though. So we both get frustrated and just can't accomplish anything. It's not a good situation. So I try, but I just don't know how to work with Anna and help her and that hurts me. As her mom, I should be able to help her with things. So, all of that will be discussed next Thursday afternoon. I can't wait!

Caleb is doing well with Anna being in school. He's still very clingy to me and doesn't really want to play a whole lot. We have been doing more with our MOMS club and having a lot of fun.

I'm just hoping that everything continues to go well and we all stay happy :) Loving life right now!

September 11, 2010

Caleb's little head...

I just wanted to share how Caleb's little head works... This child is amazingly smart... Wanna know why?

When you tell your child to clean up their toys or you are going to throw them away, what do they do? Do they cry? Throw a fit? Pick up their toys? Caleb does none of the above... He just says in an ever-so-nonchalantly way as he shrugs his shoulders and raises his hands , "Just throw them away mommy..."

Here's another one for you...

At dinner time, Caleb is difficult to get to eat sometimes. So we will tell him he won't get dessert if he doesn't eat all of his (insert one item on his plate)... So he says, "I don't want dessert".

Please, if you have any suggestions on ways to "fix" these issues, let me know :) He's a pretty good listener, but he knows how to "get around things" to get his own way... Very frustrating at times!

September 9, 2010

Yay for good days!

Well today was a pretty good day. The only "complaint" for today was that I was a little bit dumb and waited until the last minute (as usual) to finish 6 hours of homework in about 2 hours time. Well, of course in that 2 hour time frame, my internet decided to go off and on numerous times. I called my neighbor who watches my kids from 4:30-5:30 on Wednesdays so I can get to class on time and asked her if I could bring the kids over about a half hour early. She said it wasn't a problem so I took them over and I headed to the computer lab at school just praying that the internet was okay there. We had a pretty good wind storm today and I think that is what was causing the problems with our internet at home... So, that's out of the way, I got the homework done at 4:45 and class started at 5... Well, after today, I vowed to myself that I'm not doing that anymore. So I have a weekly presentation on MLK Jr due next Wednesday along with my 7-10 page research paper on subversion and the role of the trickster in African American Literature. Fun. Yeah. I also have a paper due for Sociology 101 next Friday. So, in the next 10 days, I have a total of 3 papers due. So I came home tonight and decided that I was going to do my reading that I had to do for my presentation for next week. That took about 2 1/2 hours. It wasn't bad reading though. I actually kind of enjoyed it. I had to read MLK, Jr's letter from a Birmingham jail and I had to read his "I Have A Dream" speech. Easy stuff. I will prepare my presentation tomorrow and do a little bit of research to learn more about MLK Jr. That should only take about 2 hours of my day (nap time work!). Then I will start my 7-10 page paper for African American Lit. Once that is finished (hopefully by Sunday) I will start my paper for Sociology 101. I need to get myself on a better schedule and a little more organized with school work. Earlier today I decided that instead of leaving Facebook, my knitting forums, and my photography forums open in tabs, I need to close them when I am in "homework mode". By closing them, I am less likely to get distracted by them and waste valuable homework time. I may or may not be quiet on Facebook for a few weeks, we will see how things go. I have Facebook on the iPhone but it only really allows me to read people's statuses and comment on them. I can't do any apps on it (if I can, I don't know how and don't want to know how) so I don't have to worry about being on Facebook for hours. I only pick my knitting up to calm me down when I am frustrated or aggravated, so that shouldn't be too much of an issue either :)

So, long story short... Today was a pretty good day and I won't be on Facebook and other "social sites" very much over the next few weeks! Good night everyone!

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Charles M. Schulz

September 7, 2010

Women in the kitchen, Men on their...

Ok, for real. I'm sick of this crap. What year is it? Hold on, let me check... Oh, that's right, it's 2010. Not 1950, 1960, etc. Women don't BELONG in the kitchen anymore and if you feel that way then get a ... grip. You need a reality check.

Unfortunately, my father still feels that way. Women belong in the kitchen and doing all the house work and gardening etc, and men belong working, sitting on their ... or doing the "manual labor" in the yard. Then there's my brother who doesn't belong doing anything except for maybe once a month when he helps with stuff out in the yard... I'm sick of it! It's days like these that I wish I could get out of this house and not have to deal with this crap anymore! But then I give myself a reality check and realize that I can't afford it, would hate it, and wouldn't be able to handle it on my own. Between school work, cleaning, yard work, kids, cooking, and everything else, I don't know how some single moms do everything. I did it for a while, but there were times that I had to spend an entire day cleaning because I just couldn't keep up with it. I also didn't have as much homework when I was going to school online either.

That's all. I just had to get all of that out. I'm sick of the "woman's place" thing in my family. I need to take care of myself, my kids, and our area. That's all I should be responsible for. I do provide most of the groceries for EVERYONE in the family still every month so I am NOT living at home for free. I think I'm done venting now.

"We do not believe if we do not live and work according to our belief." ~Heidi Wills

September 6, 2010

It's been a day...

You know those days where at the end of the day you KNOW you have SOOOO much to do but the day has just been sooo bad that you don't want to do a damn thing? Today is one of them for me. I have a crap ton of homework to do but I have NO desire to do anything but sit back in my chair, watch TV, and finish knitting my dishcloth. Then I'm going to hide it and give it to Anna for Christmas.

Why has today been so bad you ask? Short and simple. "WHINE, WHINE, WHINE! MOMMY!! WHINE! MOMMY MOMMY  MOMMY! WHINE!!" Yeah, that's all I have heard all day. I don't know why they were both so whiney today, but Oh. My. Goodness. It has just been ridiculous. We spent the last day and a half at my sister's apartment in Annapolis. The kids played outside yesterday while my sister and I cleaned up and organized in her apartment. Yesterday was an okay day. This morning, everyone woke up in rare form. No one wants to listen, all we can do is whine... And then we have the nightly situation where someone (named Anna) didn't eat enough dinner so now it is (9:45 and she is STILL telling me she's hungry an hour and a half after they were put in bed. She ate everything we put on her plate for dinner, was offered more, said she didn't want anymore, was given dessert, and now she's still hungry. Sorry, but if you refused more dinner when it was offered, then I don't know if you are genuinely hungry or if you just don't want to be in bed. I'm going to assume you just don't want to be in bed because you can't talk, play or do anything else fun and you can be a VERY hyper child at times. Please, if anyone has any suggestions that DON'T involve giving in to her telling me she's hungry at the VERY last second, please, PLEASE, PLEASE! let me know! I absolutely refuse to give in because sometimes my kids don't seem to understand that mommy is in charge and mommy makes the rules. So the only way I feel like I can make sure they understand that is by not giving in. It's bad enough that my 5 year old knows how to play me against my parents. She'll ask me something and I'll tell her no, then she'll go to one of my parents and get her way. NO WONDER THEY DON'T ********* LISTEN TO ME! Sometimes I tell myself that I can't wait to get my own place again, but at the same time, I am SOOO afraid to be on my own. I'm afraid to walk into a dark house at night, I'm afraid to walk into an empty house in general because I never know if someone broke into my house through a back door or window and is hiding somewhere in the house or something... I just have so much to protect and so much to be afraid of at the same time.

Anyway, I just needed to vent about my day. It's not going to end until Anna falls asleep. I still feel like I have more to vent about but I just don't know what else to say! I'm just aggravated and I WISH Anna would just go to sleep and learn her lesson... But she does this every single night! I might call her doctor and see what she suggests. But her doctor is also the one that suggested "Just feed them chicken nuggets and pizza if that's all they want to eat!"... NO NO NO! Omgosh. I am not going to be one of those mom's that makes two different meals every night because I have a picky eater. My kid are served the same meal that everyone else is. They both like chicken, pork, and beef. They both like peas, carrots and corn. Caleb doesn't like broccoli but Anna does. Neither of them like mashed potatoes so I will compensate with more meat, more veggies, or a piece of bread. Neither of them are really picky anymore. Our problem with Anna seems to be that she will eat everything on her plate, we will offer her more, and she won't eat it. Then at bed time she starts saying she is hungry. Even when we go through our routine of dinner, bath/shower, book, bed... She doesn't tell me until I have turned the lights off, covered her up and told her good night. That's when it starts!

Anyway, I might be done now. Holy jeez!

Let's try this again :)

So I have decided that I REALLY need to try this again so that I have some "venting" space or just somewhere to tell everyone how life is going for Anna, Caleb, and I. So here we go :)

Life right now is going okay. We are still living at my parents' house. Been back there for almost a year. It's not the best situation in the world, but it works for now. I am single, as I have been for the majority of the last 6 years. I think I have decided that I am happy being single with Anna & Caleb. I don't need anything else and I really don't even have time for anyone else right now. I have my good friends, I have my family, I have my kids, I have me. I'm happy. I am going to school full time so I can do better and be a more financially stable family for myself, Anna & Caleb. They deserve better than what they have right now and that is all I want. I want them to have the best I can give them! I am going to school to be a Social Worker and I am also getting an Associate's degree in Photography. I will be going to the Bachelor's level with the Social Work degree. My long term goal with it is to be a CPS (Child Protective Services) employee. My Sociology teacher this past summer told me that I have his full support if there is ever anything I need. When we were doing our introductions on the first day of class, I mentioned that I am a mom, full time student, what I was going to school for and what I wanted to do. He said, "Not only do you have the HARDEST job in the world already, but you want to go and do the second hardest job as well?! More power to you and if you need anything, let me know!" While I realize that what I want to do is going to be very difficult sometimes, at the same time it will be rewarding. I will know in my heart that in one way or another I am doing what is best for the children I work with. No child deserves to be abused, neglected, or harmed in any other way. They deserve nothing but love from the ones that are supposed to love them unconditionally.

On to another topic... Medical issues with everyone! Yay!

Caleb is seeing a G.I. every couple months to track his growth. He is 3 1/2 now and still only weighs about 25 lbs. How many of you have an 18 month old that weighs 25 lbs or more? How about a 12 month old that weighs that much? Yup, Caleb is a tiny tiny kid. Your 12-18 month old is about average if they weigh around 25 lbs... My 3 1/2 year old is in the 3rd percentile on the growth charts. (His small size doesn't affect his heart though! He has the biggest heart I have ever seen in a 3 year old boy!) So, the G.I. has "diagnosed" him with Toddler's Diarrhea which is chronic diarrhea in a child under the age of 5. However, both of the G.I.'s that we have seen have not wanted to do any kind of testing because he is young and tender and all that other good stuff. Well, I've about had it. I'm a pretty educated woman and when you tell me a "diagnosis" I know better than to believe that a doctor is telling me everything I need to hear... So I go home and do my own research. Chronic diarrhea is caused by the intestines not digesting food properly. This could mean that Caleb's body isn't getting the nutrients he needs. Not getting the nutrients he needs could be causing him to not grow properly. WOW! Look at that. I'm "just a mom" and I can put 2 and 2 together. Why is a doctor comfortable with just telling me that it's chronic diarrhea and not wanting to do labs to make sure he has enough nutrients and all that other good stuff... Why???? So I have decided that when we go back to the G.I. (probably in the next couple weeks) I am going to demand a full CBC be done to make sure that his little body has all the nutrients it needs. I do give him vitamins (he gets half of a flintstone vitamin or something along those lines because of his weight) and they don't really seem to make that much of a difference. But, we still do them just so that I know I'm doing what I can. I always make him eat at least half of his veggies at meals and he is usually pretty good about eating his meat. No worries there. So, one of these days, maybe we'll get some answers. Until then... I'll keep everyone posted :)

Anna's update shouldn't be nearly as long... She started Kindergarten last Monday. She is loving it! Our neighbor on the other side of the court also has a little boy who started Kindergarten and who just happens to be Anna's "BFF". She is still slightly behind on speech. I tend to notice it more than other people which I believe is normal. We will be having her IEP meeting soon to get her started on her new IEP and to get the Special Education teachers working with her and all that good stuff. I am also going to request an evaluation for Occupational Therapy which will help her with hand eye coordination. Now that she is at an age where she should be able to write, it is becoming more evident that her hand/eye coordination isn't quite up to par either. If she doesn't show at least a 25% developmental delay in that area they won't be able to give her that therapy. I am pretty sure that she will continue to receive Speech Therapy though and I look forward to her getting back into that. I still need to get Anna back to a Developmental Pediatrician so that we can determine what we need to do next about trying to find out if her speech delay is neurological or developmental. If it is neurological then there is a chance she will never grow out of it. The Developmental Pediatrician that we were seeing is no longer accepting Medical Assistance. I will have to get Anna's records from her and take them to a new doctor. The old DP wanted to do an MRI of Anna's head to make sure her brain functions properly in all areas. We were holding off on it because of Anna's age. They would have to put her under anesthesia to make sure she stays still during the procedure. I am happy to say that neither of my children have ever had to be put under anesthesia for anything and I can guarantee that I would be a WRECK if they ever do have to be put under. So that is where we stand with little Miss Anna. She is 5 years old and weighs 37 lbs. She is little too, but we aren't as concerned about her because she is above the 10th percentile on the growth charts. Last time we went to the doctor she was in the 25th percentile for weight and 50th for height.

Now, my turn! Yes, we save mommy for last, the kiddos are more important! I am doing okay. I have had some G.I. issues of my own lately and will be having a procedure done in the next few weeks to see what's going on. There's not much else other than that. For the most part, I have my depression and anxiety under control. For anyone who remembers my car accident from back in July of 2008, I still have back pain pretty consistently. I have just learned to deal with it. I have been trying for 5 months to get in touch with my attorney... Haven't heard from him since the beginning of April. If it makes it to 6 months, I will be filing a grievance. This is the 2nd time I have had this problem with him. He promised me back in April that he would have a settlement for me by the end of April. Nope, didn't happen. Was I surprised? No.

Well, I guess that is about it for an update for everyone! Hopefully I can get back into a routine with this and post at least once or twice a week :)

Much love!

*It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live...*
~~J.K. Rowling