October 12, 2010


So it's been a while since I updated... I guess it's time.

Life hasn't been any different than normal. If anything, I think it's gotten a little more stressful. I've gotten to a point where I don't want to keep my mouth shut and let my dad treat me the way he treats my mom. I am not one to be silenced. Unfortunately, it's what I have to do in order to keep a roof over mine and my chidlren's heads. I'm beginning to think that all I can do is keep the kids and I in our "holes" upstairs, keep to ourselves, eat dinners with the family, and that's about it. I have no desire to spend any other time with my family. And that really hurts me. I've always wanted nothing more than to have a happy family who enjoy each other's company. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to be around anyone in my family other than my kids and siblings. That really hurts me. I can't have any kind of conversation like this with the person I need to because I just end up crying and the conversation is over.

On a lighter note, (yes I know I changed the subject abruptly... anyone wanna give some psychological analysis of that?) I got Caleb's follow up GI appointment scheduled for the end of October. I have started going to the gym to try and get rid of some of my baby weight and look a little bit healthier. I haven't been comfortable with my body since after I had Anna and realized that I wasn't going to lose all the weight just by giving birth. I gained 80 lbs and was in denial every time someone told me it wasn't all just going to go away... Well, 5 years and 1 kid later, it's time to get rid of it. Today, I weight the same amount I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with Anna and I am not happy. So I am doing a lot of abdominal work, a little bit of weights, some stamina, and some back strengthening. Those are my goals. I would like to lose about 40-50 lbs total before I am done. I remember when I was in physical therapy after my car accident 2 years ago they told me that if I strengthened my abs and back muscles I would be in better shape and less likely to have back pain. So, I'm finally taking them up on the advice and going to get myself together. My first time in the gym I ran 2.4 miles without stopping. I can't run on pavement or on a treadmill because of the impact on my knees. The elliptical is my thing :) I felt absolutely amazing after the gym :)

Anywho, I think that is about all I have to update :) If anyone reads and has anything they would like me to post about, feel free to ask :) I need some motivation and it would help to know that SOMEONE is reading my blog :)

1 comment:

Brigitte said...

I read your blog.. :)